Spiritual Ministries Mind Spirit Body Vibrational Medicine Research, Healing and Education Center.
July 14, 2009
Revised Letter To Brad & Andrew; A Reminder Of Some Of The Whys I Didn't Grow & Develop Wasn't Because I Wasn't Worth It, I Wasn't Allowed To.Rev. Tonie C. Wallace Dream-Founder and Director
Dear All One Family:
Today I sat down and tried really hard to see things as God/Jesus and Holy Spirit would want me to embrace. Not that of the energies of one a wanting to put it all on others as to why now I am making way to a better and brighter world that is willing to take my 24 year plus research work profession to the level it needed to have gone, years ago...
Being today is one week after the most horrendous day of my life, occurred. I find it quite fitting to include a posting that I wrote almost two months ago when it became evident that a promise that my sons had made prior to taking their contractor job assignments in Iraq, were a coming to pass and I had to come to terms with the fact that I hadn't achieved the dream that I had held since bringing twenty years of a trying to work my dream here in this part of the country that just didn't want to turn over a new leaf...and way of being better in the world...and that the reason that they didn't, was because I was not enough or at least that is what I was told each and every time I brought them my dream and showed them how to work it, and after receiving it...told me basically to not allow the door to hit me where the sun never shines upon it...
Here contained is yet another two incidents that weakened my drive and energy and I didn't know why it was a happening until last week, a week ago today, the day I finally woke up to my place at the table set for me and others like me that are quite of their breed...I failed because it was me that was a wanting to succeed and in a area that calls all the shots, on that which lives and that which deserves to die, all based on who's who, a proper nationality and high social status of acceptance...for I was told that if I had walked in with a doctor, or even a not very good paying high school principal, that no matter what nationality I was a proudly wearing...I wouldn't had a need to have been as good and talented as I am...all things would have rolled out to me...for then I would have been part of the In Crowd, instead of, On My Way Out, Again...and again and again...
Please understand, I am not a complaining, only a explaining as gently as I can to myself that has weathered all the storm fronts of twenty plus years and want to come out of where others here where I lived and generously gave to all those that found me not ever quite good enough, and showed and told me as much...can release without anger or animosity that which took place in this neck of the woods, is a taking place in many others towns and governments all over this great country...so by sticking my neck out and standing up and firm on these Constitutional Rights of others being taken away, I was shown quite clearly that even though I thought that I was a fitting in and a helping all, I discovered that I was never accepted, and only the worker bee, and never the queen bee and I had better hold my place, or leave...
Be Blessed Always
Love, Light and Peace
Tonie
I Miss You Even When You Are Only Five Minutes Out of Sight of Physical Sight
May 15, 2009 Original Letter-Updated And Revised
July 14, 2009
Rev. Tonie C. Wallace Dream-Founder and Director
Jada Stone, Associate Editor/Contributing Writer-Editor
Dear All One Family:
S.B. sent me this little ditty that I thought you would like...
Single Black Female
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....
The ad was for the black lab, shown on this website...cute isn't it?
Now onto Jada's letter to her oldest son Andrew, and youngest son Brad/ With Andrew still in Iraq...
It is pretty explanatory and doesn't really need my input...all I can say is that it touched my heart to see how she built upon the old and gave this astounding inner viewing look through, only a few months later...Please Enjoy!
Be Blessed Always
Love, Light and Peace Always
Tonie
On May 15, 2009\Jada Stone Wrote:
Dear Sons:
Oh how happy you both make me...thanks dear son Andrew for the head's up on the calling cards and you not having enough funds in which to purchase more, so your lack of calling card expense money is being limited because of you putting money away in order to help me and your wife's parents out... I was wondering why the silence from both my sons, yet your call on Sunday, made it alright and your brother's hurried visit and special Mother's Day grand gifts from Baghdad filled me with so much joy and remembrance of what hell he had just left and wondering would he be able to put down what he saw there, in order to find himself, here?
I pray that he will...
I am so highly grateful that both you guys know the meaning of giving to others, sometimes more than to yourself, for that is the secret ingredient to a successful and joy filled life, a knowing that, "it isn't the sin of having money that is the problem in our land, it is the way with handle it that can either increase or decrease its total amount...
This is how I have always learned to be and don't regret a single moment of it. For it is always, " better to give than to receive," thus kicking in that duplicity thing, know what I mean?
Notes To Andrew
I don't know if your wife told you about how I cried when I received the $500 money gift. Along with all the other money that you & her have gifted me, for you know me, I like to be the giver and when I am the receiver of it; it makes me so uncomfortable, especially when I remembered how I acted when you announced your decision to follow your dream of being able to have more financial security available to you, being you never found that job that fed you not only the pay that your years of driving trucks warranted you, or the money they subtracted from your pay checks to cover the ever increasing health benefit costs for you and your family members on it...
The typical job now available to you and others of your same profession...that when you quickly look at it, looks from a distance; like you were making a fair amount of money for the job, yet what was hidden was the larger work duty roster demand...that if you didn't happily comply to, you were somehow found not enough, and sent packing for there were many applicants whose companies had folded long ago and all their unemployment benefits were nearing expiring...
So that along with this yet ache and yearning in your heart and body to be not just somebody that sits and listens to the news about what is happening to not only your own former fellow Marines, (Semper Fi-)"0nce a Marine Always a Marine" yet all caring enough soldiers, a wanting to do their part for our great land that they love, cherish and desire to protect... so your caring enough to always be more is very dignified and very special and something one doesn't commonly see in our nation and perhaps the world...
Thank you sons, for both being all that you can be...I celebrate most astoundingly your birth even still. I have no regrets nope sons, not one single one in all that has gone behind me, and when I sometimes stop and look back and reflect what it is that I am seeing in the moment that had just left the appearing real in time, moment, I am awed about what had just happened and I thank God/Jesus and Holy Spirit for that awakening breath of awareness that sometimes took my breath away and allowed the tears of buried mountain recognition memory cells-pictures to fill my eyes that my driving home was made difficult.
For it is that I believe, that those stopping your heart cold moments, are the most important in ones life...for they stop/slow one down so that one can further reflect and dig deep within that past reflection of what had just occurred so that you can take another mental picture of why this as well has been placed in your divinely lead path...
For all of life is a learning experience...and as one mountain is climbed and moved off of ones game board...another quickly comes into view, so that each time you advance, you find yourself closer to God...
When One Is A Giver, It Is Hard For One Taught To Receive Only, To Come Together On Point
When both you guys told me that you would help me financially being the economy was a raising so much havoc with my business that has been in a decline since 2001...It was another Kleenex tissues moment for me, for it made me reflect back to all those things that I had ground broke for corporations that promised this and that and ended up giving me the exit door without an even farewell...
Your words also opened up memory that I had stored concerning the whys and whys not of all those things that should have set me in a better place than where I had found myself a landed... when I discovered that they weren't even telling my past clients where I went and pretending they didn't know...yet taking and sending my past clients that followed me there, advertisements as a way to gather even more of me...as one spa that I set up not only a massage body works practice yet also a vibrational water and visual- sound machines to further enhance the body electric energy work that carries my pattern...of change leading into relaxation states...and when I first opened its doors, I brought in about three hundred of my most recent client files...giving them the addresses so that a newsletter of my design would be sent to them...
An advertising endeavor that the owner and I discussed to be as a way of telling my friends and clients where I was now located...and when I told the Owner in a private meeting with him after an open to all employees and two independent contractors meeting,(I was one of the two independent contractors mentioned in the meeting, me and the skin care department head) which remembered contents are:
Owner & Money Bank To Spa Enterprise Called Meeting Information
"I am sorry to announce the information that due to the lacking financial return on this spa business development concept of my daughter of which I am the sole banking portion of it as you all know...I have decided that instead of expanding the body works, water therapy, music and sound portion of it like I had originally agreed to do when we first sat down with the dream of making this our development prototype and set up prototypes all over the country, I have decided instead to just stick to strip clubs, that which I know for this business is too low profit margin stuff...
So instead because I feel along with the other solid business minded heads, I brought into the mix, I think that it be best to move instead towards developing and expanding the skin care line up...for when I spoke to my business financial analyst experts that I contacted in order to see where can I put money that would return the biggest profit margin in the times we are an experiencing, the quickest?...it was told me that; hair, nail care, waxing, and all forms of skin care designs for more want to look younger, than get a massage or even exercise..."
So there you have it...appearance over wellness, voted number one in an area a needing obviously so much more! and my good bye once again to a dream that brought me to this man's door a dreaming of a change in a large way...The whole while me a running the risk of being classified as himself, for I opened this door with a man that I had heard was not of God, yet of the love of money in exchange for the sexual entertainment that he offered to those bored, lost, confused or just plain ole interested in what laid beyond temptations door...
A man not known publicly/judged by the public due to his business of adult entertainment and not church services...as one that didn't honor or keeping his word, yet a man that I was willing to share my dream vision work world with because he believed he wanted to change and that was the only reason I agreed to join forces with him and his daughter and not because I wanted to join that world that didn't embrace those principles that I knew all to well Jesus would not have us follow.
I believed this man wanted more and I knew that the dream that I had been seeing and visualising for several years now was going to be finally birthed, only to have it be a still born...having died a few months before its birth delivery date...
In the beginning of this new venture chance, it was very exciting to say the least for once again; another had promised to help me with my continuing research dream of building the prototype center that would allow those individuals a wanting to explore a different way to reach wellness, than pills, and surgery that weren't working or never did and now have found themselves lost to a plan that went south and died...long ago.
This very same man that refused to give me a contract stating all of this stuff at the onset before it was created and after putting so much of my time, energy and even money into its operation for I had to create my own working room... paint it my myself, obtain or use my own equipment, my own supplies, my own creativity design and focus, my friend's submersion meditation tank, that the owner told me that he would pay my friend for later...a later that never came and the tank burning up from no one attending to it, after I left, thus making me feel guilty for the guy that entrusted it to this center and owner's promise of paying my friend for it...never doing and I was the one to get him to agree to an agreement that was again made in salt...
So as all of these things about why he never would sign a contract with me and throwing out to me that I didn't trust him and that is why I wanted a contract and how no one had ever been taken down by him in the past and here I come along and question his integrity...and on and on...enough other words a guilting me for wanting a sure guarantee so that I wouldn't be hoo dooed again by another greedy it is all about myself company, me first and look at you go to your place you belong...and him a saying, I am an honest man and why didn't I know that?
So after the shock of the information given all the salon staff members...I walked up to the man that knew that his butt was Scott free of prosecution being he hadn't given me a signed contract thus guaranteeing me that I wouldn't crash and burn under his watch...after I gave him all of me that I collected single handed since arriving to this land of so called, "southern hospitality land."
My words were said simply; "you know when I made the decision to come on board with you, several persons came to me upon hearing of my decisions to do such and told me that they wouldn't for you weren't a man of your word and that all you knew was about stuff that God wouldn't have us put the money that we earned divinely into supporting it.
Of which I stated, I know, yet I feel that this one is a wanting to find a different door than he has already traveled and maybe this would be his way back to making amends for all the lives he mistakenly thought he saved by giving them an outlet to relax in a very special different way...
I also told them all that each and everyone of us have this ability to change in an instant and because I don't believe we can judge how another handles the very next moment in time...for that would only be something based on conjecture...or our in moment assessment of the man, based on heresy and not real actual knowledge of who this man is or is not a looking at what he does for a living...
So I told them that I wanted to explore the spa world looking inside, outward...and this would give me an excellent opportunity to circulate that which I know works...and perhaps be able to grab a hold of a few more body work modalities and see how those combinations would impact the body tune up world that I was into...Being new research ideas were continuously coming across my path, a screaming to be included...in that ongoing research project in my mind expansive growth field that kept me always a searching for the right combination...
I also told this deal breaker owner, that I told my caring ,interested and concerned for my welfare friends; that I would take the chance of being labeled the same as him...for that which could come out of it were it to go down as you the honest owner promised it would...would be phenomenal!
For I felt divinely lead there, for it was this unawakened child of God's chance to right the wrongs of his life by a contributing to mankind's good versus a feeding his sexual perversions of those looking for God and not knowing it; in all of the wrong places...
So then I asked him as to why he didn't meet with me privately? He said, we are meeting privately, yes I said; yet I had to demand the meeting...I just thought I was worth more than what you have given me here...
So that when you told me that what I have is what I will only have and that maybe sometime down the road and you aren't a buying up more of your hot money making sexual explicit dancing houses, and have a few bucks left over, you would throw them at my business, located within your business direction and plan...
That was not our original deal and now it is quite clear to me why you felt that a contract wasn't needed between us because you knew this way, without one, you could walk away from the deal and it wasn't a deal breaker that could go to court, just one that I would have to either accept or reject...under your terms and conditions...and that is why you made it public, so that you would have witnesses that you didn't have a private deal with me and promises of the future creation of other centers that you had killed, with only a wish and hope that this business had been more profitable than it was and you are so sorry!
I then told him: I would like to hand in my two weeks notice of leaving this business, due to the fact that I can't support God and those that didn't serve God's Love, Jesus and Peace of The Holy Spirit at the same time...for I believe that one should only serve Only The Light of God and my working here with you all would have me straddled over the fence in both directions...
And I also told him that now I understand the reason for my being treated by his daughter and her staff so coldly, and that whenever I walked through the door to start my day, no one at the greeting guests desk, would greet me; especially not his daughter, my boss that I was doing all this for her, and myself for I to make it obviously with her 40% that she didn't have to do a thing to recieve, yet perhaps say, good morning.
And one can't use the fact that they didn't know that I had entered, for a bell always chimed when someone entered...and now I know why I found myself, thinking those last two weeks, prior to this moment, "hmmm, invisible again, am I," and while thinking what is a going on?...for I hadn't done anything that would have caused me to lose favor with anyone here, unless of course, the daughter, being jealous that her dad would throw money at my research interest ideas/direction, and thus taking that extra money that he might have promised her, thus draining it away from her draining it...with her ideas, cost and development plan of what a real salon with massage held in one room, far back from the heavy traffic...
Then The World of Perhaps Thinking Took Over, Once Again As All The Other Times The Doors Became Shut To Me After The Dream Was Born And Walking...
Perhaps that is the reason for several months of my weekly commission % pay checks of all that were a bouncing...and all of us a having to run to the bank the check was written on to see if the funds were there to cover it...Perhaps his daughter's poor management of his money he had allocated to her to handle the running expenses weren't handled properly...there are lots of perhaps...you know?
Perhaps, I wasn't liked too much by the owner's daughter and highly sexualized dressed spa staff members; with heavy make up,their large breasts, real or not, visibly displayed in low cut tops short dresses, some in high heels...
For I was the plain jane that no one noticed but those clients that braved all the rumor and gossip of the town to find me, a hoping and a praying with all the power that their prayers held, that I wouldn't get taken again, for they had heard, this guy was the worst of the worst, and what they thought of as the devil himself in a pretty suit...
Or perhaps it was the problem that I had created for him after he sent a few of his dancers in to get a bodywork session with me and they made the mistake of asking me things as to why I thought they weren't happy with their lives and I told them the answers to their questions and because he was a losing some of his best girls to my opinions he charged me quilty for them a quitting the profession...
Perhaps this above meeting only a few weeks ago with the owner and his daughter...created my destiny and I hadn't sensed my dream was about to crumble before me...
When him and his daughter were in my face an insisting that I needed to stop talking to his dancers, by saying that I was the direct cause of their confusion of the field he is in and were now a wanting to leave...so I told him then that I couldn't with hold my truths to questions that was asked of me about my God/Jesus and Holy Spirit connection just because they ordered me to, besides I told them that I was an Ordained Spiritualist Minister... and even if not, we still had the free speech thing in our land thing a happening...so that private meeting that happened about two weeks prior to this his new decision day, might have been in the works since then...so I might have stepped outside of my place, and was being sent packing for being disobedient...for all they wanted me to do, was work and not talk...
So after a few more angry words exchanged by him to me and my world of perhaps, I announced my decision to leave his business establishment in two weeks, he started sending out harsh curse words telling me to not wait two weeks, take all of my stuff and get my....ass...out now!
Then he added a statement to it that took my breath away, he said that a close chiropractor friend who is really high up in the politics of that profession in this area and proudly called his name...told him that he really shouldn't hire me for I had a reputation for being a quitter...
And I simply said, so because I won't stand and take my losses and shut my mouth and keep on working and pretend that nothing transpired between you and I here...I will lose the respect of the chiropractor friends who run in his same circle?
He then gave me the southern response I had been given by my boyfriend when I had asked him any questions about things that were an invading my mind space, making our relationship not only rocky, yet highly difficult...and rather closed forever kind of thing, "you figure it out!" Get out for I am tired of trying to tell you, you did all of this yourself and then he told his daughter to help me move my things out for there and then and be sure to show me the door!
Now knowing that all those chiropractors that I had worked on in the past, and all of their offers of my a joining them...if this coconut head didn't see or do what he said he would...those offers would be closed to me now...and they were...Feeling like I had had too many shut downs after putting this massage bodyworks center on line for them...again I asked Our Heavenly Father, was it time now to go?
And getting again, "peace be still," for your dawning of a new day and all the rewards for the fine works that you have gifted this place that sees and cares not for you...will one day soon be yours, for your story is about one called deserving in being in last place, will one day be taken from this last place position, and put into first place position, when she is finally heard...
It took about two weeks for all of my clients that had transferred over to the spa setting to finally return to my home residence practice...the only place that I didn't have to worry that would be taken from me, unless of course I lost all of my clients...(such as now, for the few stragglers, don't have a clue as to what I have been through, for I was a always too busy a listening to their problematic world and a trying to tell them what I visually see after asking, God/Jesus and Holy Spirit into the mixed up, upside-down world that they were a calling the only way to see it...so the what about me world I was experiencing, never really dawned on them that I was a having, for I had been told, too sensitive, no that isn't the way it is here, no, I don't see a sign on your back that says, kick me hard and to the ground as you rape me of all of my dignity, works and intelligence...
So I am a writing this to all those that thought my world to be the world of what calm, collected and together looked like...never knowing how many times I looked in my mirror to find that which I was told just wasn't ever enough...by those that care about they said...
About two weeks in being asked to leave the spa...by the owner...two of my really social important clients/friends...told me some really sad and disparaging information...after first telling me how glad that they were that I had finally broken away from the place of darkness...
The doctor's wife whose husband was more of a regular scheduled friend, personal doctor/friend...told me that she heard a few of those hoochey momma girls that worked there...talking about a massage therapist seen a getting it on in the shower room with him...and all.
I told her that I had been asked to work the night shift and ending my shift about 11:0clock so that I could work on those guys a wanting to get a massage after patronizing the strip joint of her father's and I said absolutely not!
I couldn't work on drunk men and women for it enhanced the effects of the alcohol and I really didn't think I wanted to be in the position of getting raped...so thanks but no thanks!
9A.M. - 5 P.M. that is it folks...for me.
Yet on two occasions, when I arrived in the morning, I found my bed linens and room not as I left it...and wondered who and what was a doing their thing in my room filled with my stuff and when I brought it up to the boss, she told me that I had imagined all of it...and must have left the room like that...and I told her right there and then...that this room held my reputation and were they to bring in someone who wasn't licensed and trained and not of the right action...I could be possibly held responsible for what ever went on in it...when I wasn't even here!
She told me that I was just an imagining all of this...and not to worry...for they would have a lock put on the door and only her and I were to have the key...yea right...
So I spent the next few years, having that experience of that spa, also deeply recessed in my brain, and heart that still wouldn't shut down to this area that I still felt called to be...
For I had already had the deceptive actions of the Health and Fitness Center that I had set up and implemented their first massage therapy department in their brand spanking new health center...with my only contract given me by any corporation guaranteeing me at least a year of work available to me...
Across the street I could see my starting point, the hospital and the critical care areas that were my life and life blood for seven years...
Then I found my way into the clutches of the college and all that I had wrote before about it...wanted a man after I did all the work of petitioning for it with all of my proposal ideas with the Nursing Director a walking in with me to the college board...and all the other stuff along with it that I am trying not to revisit again at this time...
Now this? Slander out there on me, and I didn't even know the man, heard of him, heard lots of not so pretty things about this man, yet did I throw the dog crap out on him, a not knowing the truth about him? and having only the speculation opinions of others thoughts, no!...yet I felt the impact of what he stated, even if it wasn't true...for others that were listening in to the loud voices and harsh words of the owner...now highly upset that I would even consider this still great deal he was a offering me...silence to just be able to work, not a good thing...
So my learning not to hate stupid...didn't start here...it began way back when I was knee high to a grass hopper...and others wondered why I found the woods, and the animals, and the butterflys to be more my friends than those that always thought of me to be less and told me to stand in my place...and hold my silence...for they were right here and I was wrong...
Several years later, this man and myself path caught up to one another and again I found myself somehow connected to his shady earning monetary pockets...
I didn't knowningly choose it as such, for when the job position opened up, several years after the expensive spa that did the same deed to me as my last one before it...
The way that I got connected to this owner of that spa...was through my being told a lie, for even though I intuitively picked up that this prior owner/strip club owner of 5 or 6 strip joints all over a few states, was also the money behind this new venture I was a being asked to join...indoor golf club, exercise room and equipment, bodyworks department that I would head and run, along with offering personal training instructions along with the others trained by the personal training instructor that trained us...
Thus when the head of the exercise portion of this club asked me to join the joint effort, I asked him point blank if this strip club owner was a part of it, he stated no...three months later it came to me that he had lied and wasn't going to take ownership of the large lie it told me in order to capture me once again in the clutches of persons only a interested in themselves and no one else...
Yet even another pass at working with those a serving a different God than my own...so now again I found myself trapped and when I remembered my past history of this man whose prime method of, "I can change my mind anytime I want, with out a asking your permission...for I don't care how much money, time, blood, sweat, and tears it cost you to get to this point, the only interest I have is myself and my family," again my knees buckled, for I knew right then and there...that the outcome that I was to in order to carry and pull off in this new again not well foundation laid business venture, would probably more than not, be a repeat performance...as I waited for the moment to come that I knew was a coming...
Then That Day Arrived And We Had Our Last Talk To Date...
This is what he amazingly said to me; "I am sorry for how I handled you in the past dealings we had. When the economy seemed to take a large dive for no reason it seemed and business in the pampering industry went south, while business in the adult entertainment field sky rocketed...I had to grab the larger train, instead of the smaller train, for your business that you love and are so good at, should have pulled you to a successful endeavor had you had, the right people a assisting you in the medical field for they are the ones that control the future in your field.
The financial money heads that I consult with regularly have stated that fact to me when I have asked them to see what was keeping this field of yours and others from a taking off and I was told that it was the medical and insurance companies...that work hand and hand with each...
I am also sorry for handling you in the manner that I did, how I broke it to you and how I handled the news of your resigning for I have learned a long long time ago that when one finds themselves with a disgruntled employee,
(I was not an employee, I was an Independent Contractor, that didn't get paid by the business, only by commissions of 60% to their 40% on all clients that patronized my business within his business at their newly created spa center, so there was a large difference in his memory and mine then...yet I remained quiet even though my mind was a playing this memory flash back thinking I am a giving here now contained outside these parenthesis)
I have also learned that the best thing a smart boss or owner can do is to discharge the unhappy employee, right there on the spot, for it is well known that a disgruntled employee can close ones doors within two weeks, just by circulating bad rumor press to their customers and general listening for gossip to be released world...
So in order words, he was a telling me what Donald Trump would have said to me, or anyone else that doesn't fit the mold or work position he thought they should be doing and states, "You Are Fired, don't take it personal, for it is only business."
With this guy never ever knowing that it was Donald Trump's Apprentice Show, that helped snap me out of that reality check world about corporations not really caring about you, and they will use you up, if you let them and call it your fault when you pass a different marker than they want you to be at, rather costing them too much money and by letting you go, gather a couple of exec...for the price of you, and it not mattering if the work you gave them was worth ten execs...for you were the back bone when the company had none...you helped them get where they got...and the severance pay for a year was supposed to take you through all that could possibly lay ahead...as their need for you, no longer is...and all that you brought to their table, that helped move them to where they are now, long ago forgotten...
Then he caught me up with his health update of having a cancerous brain tumor not all that long after I walked away from the salon and how because his condition was so serious and no one not even the doctors knew how he would fair after surgery that the surgeons would take 18 hours to complete...
He also stated how his daughter and oldest son were given, "power of attorney," rights or such to oversee the handling of his money...and right now, his daughter and himself and the builder of this indoor golf club who also carries voting rights...both the builder and his daughter are voting that the manager of this golf club, inventor and dream designer...be booted out and the place will now have to close...
So less than a year, and about ten thousand plus dollars in advertising costs, and additional work equipment that had to be purchased...hundreds of hours of setting up and planning time in bringing it to the point that it was...the hiring of cleaning staff to clean office and gym space...that I didn't want to put on the dream planner and almost round the clock, dream design owner/pro golf instructor almost sole handler's-wife for she was a already a working a full time job at the hospital and coming into her husband's dream world manifested finally, almost each and every night and days off , to help him handle it until he and she closed it down at 9:00 every nite to only return to it the next day at 8:00 A.M.
With a working schedule of Sunday to Sunday, each and every week, month after month...with only a schedule change up slightly. done at Christmas and New Year...
The reason that this once money handler of his own dynasty planning, gave as to why his daughter and builder share owner gave as to closing the doors, were that they were tired of all of his late $6 thousand dollars a month rent payments and payments on the building were still having to made to the bank, even though this guy isn't paying the rent all that often and never on time, per his daughter...
He told me that he tried to tell his daughter that even though he told them that this pro golf instructor had just cut a deal with the well known golf resort and several others that were a promoting and advertising his indoor golf club to their own club members and how this business was a getting ready to become a well known hot & successful place, soon for he just knew it, the convincing of his daughter and builder investor friend didn't happen...so in about a month, and ten months only of being opened to the public, total time; this business had its life and being, later...the door and dreams of a better tomorrow for all, were again not to be visualized...
Thus Leaving Me Again With The Thought Impressions of: My Fault or Memorex...
Was it my fault, their fault or just karma a just a having its own way again? All I do know is that since we who headed it have left, this rather new building, used only ten months, 2 months less than a year; sits empty since that time of closing its door for the last time; as the ghosts of yesterday keep watch over it and are probably still a wondering why was it so necessary to throw everybody out...and just allow it to deteriorate and all the memories of what it could have been, or used to have been, no longer seen?
Perhaps wrong timing, perhaps chances that were given this area to grow and change into directions that would have added to a better quality of life; for it was a great plan... the combining of exercise, bodywork, golf lessons and indoor golf practice areas, plus a bar area that would afford small groups to book and enjoy company get togethers and other special events...plus a small food and drink concession area...it was a great plan, that didn't fly because of those that didn't see its potential just about ready to take off...
And a man now stripped of being able to call the shots on an enterprise that he helped the golf pro instructor vision dream planner and head management owner, create...and bring into manifestation; now being ordered to stand down by the daughter that this control factor given her when daddy fell down; and was a taking it on the road a putting me one more time, out the door on my butt...with nothing to show for it but countless hours, and money spent to get it up and running, gone and never having returned, as of yet...
An endeavor that even though I was hesitant to begin, I still don't have any regrets for great lessons were learned and some repeated...yet as with all the other dreams and ground breaking work that I never got the credit...I wait patiently for the Grace of God to shower down upon me for all that I have had taken away from me unjustly...
Jumping Back Into The Moment And Letting Go Of The Ways Of Why I Am Not Able To Keep Caring On By Myself As Before, Being Blamed On The Economy...
TakingCare Of One's Self In Decline?
So as I ponder the thoughts of my income being reduced by the current economy situation, and wanting to believe it is lack of spending power versus...the medical and insurance companies desire for this field to stay in the relaxation group, versus alternative medical field...
For one would think it would be the exact opposite, yet I know that I don't live in an area that would place my work above eating and surviving...
Then again perhaps; I was that great of a teacher of wellness that their need for me became less, because I taught them how to fish...and thus feeding them for a lifetime, by showing them a better way, for even if they never heard or listened to me, one day as I make my way to a place that can see me more clearly and accept my 1/4 totality of blood line that is labeled Hispanic by our Government and 100% Hispanic by those that believe what the government gives me in labeling me as to who I am...One day you will come across this strange thing called preventative health and bodywork not strictly geared for relaxation, yet along with the relaxation factor it provides it also can bring the awakening of a new day within them that perhaps may not need to provide a need for heavy medication taking or surgurical intervention...
Plus the methology of a way at looking at their world with the moderation factor set on high...Mind, Body and Spirit wise...with the lack of that effort/energy to be created in this part of rural America; being mostly hampered by past mind set, heavy precedences set by ancestors and a system of medical practice that just wouldn't allow anything to change the way they were a handling those things they called the only way...the medical intervention only way...
So in this neck of the woods where I have made my home for twenty years plus...and no longer want to be counting...I see quite well that this area of the country that is stuck in yesterday and a liking it that way, might one day wake up and smell the coffee a brewing or not...for it is totally their choice you know, for all things are of our own choosing...that is why Our Brother Jesus's grandest humanitarian act ever to be given our world, gifted us with, "free choice," go left, go right of the mark, go backward, dip and take an angled direction...telling us basically that we can choose how we want to express what it is; intention wise, that which we interpret being/acting more like Him...and the greatest clue He gave us was, "The Golden Rule."
This thing about, "doing unto to others, that which you would have done unto you." Which is a very large and a big deal...yet missed by so many still slumbering...
At least that is how I have chosen to view it...any other way at looking at my time spent here would mean that I wasn't at all appreciated, only used...and that would mean this area a losing another awakened earth bound angel to this area really wasn't a big deal...and I know I am a big deal...rather anyone else wants to agree or not...
So as I travel back and forth through all the moments in time that should have clicked and had taken me where I was promised to be taken...and didn't and now I see that my sons are having to go where it is dangerous just so that they can gather enough income to not only insure that they don't lose all that they had yesterday yet also feel the need to help me as well...
Of course it made me feel sad for I always imagined that I would be the one a helping you sons all out and not my sons a having to put themselves in harms way to help me...because it made me feel like such a failure and all I know is that everything I had ever put my hands too...just never panned out all these twenty years of being in this area...and I know that all things are on purpose.
So back to you and the moment you made me realize the words that you spoke before taking this civilian contracting job in Iraq, naming me as one of your purposes as such, and I came back with, "I don't want your blood money, for you are worth millions to me and not a hundred thousand dollars...give or take a few thousand...
For in my estimation, from the things that I have heard from others that also got hired into this company, that even this government contracted job company played with the money part not being as large as they wanted you to believe...making you believe more was coming than what you got, when what they meant was, more is given if you are a willing to take more risks than all the others...and how that risk factor amount is determined isn't necessarily by experience alone, yet who you are...and where are you from...or how loud you stand up for your rights...that they now own and control...
I also cried because you made me proud to know that you & your brother would risk your life so that others like me and your family could have more...along with the thoughts of you being able to feel that also you were a helping our country at the same time...and those called to work along side you in a land that really wanted you for the most part, yet those that didn't were quite demonstrative of their thought expressions...and followed up with deadly or life serious changing actions, to prove it.
Taking the risk of life and death, dear sons to help others, again is so cool...you both be cool dudes..,for both of your reasons for going to work over there are a bit different, yet similar ...help self, help others, give to others and you both do that job well.
I am very proud to be your mother...
I feel love and peace when I think thoughts of you and I know that God/Jesus and Holy Spirit celebrate as well, like I do, and thus I know that They are keeping you safe from harm...
With that peace filled knowledge, I can rest when others believe I am not...Also sons please forgive me for all my moments in time I was trying to be the mom instead of only a friend...I had to let my truths ring forth...and if at any time, you or your brother, felt that I over stepped my limits...In defense, allow me to say, finding the middle ground is not an easy thing to do when one is a parent and only want her sons highest Good to God and mankind, to come forth...and the minister part, hey you are not the first to believe that it doesn't carry any weight for I don't a penis...
Perhaps when you reach the age of 57 and counting vastly towards 58...you will understand why I had to press forward, even when all told me I should not...for until one sees the whole picture of the power of God/Jesus and Holy Spirit's, whole protection...plan, and without it, only a life about drama, chaos and unrest, will be your constant bed fellow, and if that is acceptable to you right now...so be it...yet it was still my job to deliver to you before going Home to God...as it is all parents job...a giving their kids the road map given them by their own parents and if their own parents don't try to at least present it...than what the child doesn't grasp due to stupidity...falls down on the parents asleep to that which all promised Our Father when He gifted us our children...
Besides sons, wouldn't you rather have me tell you the truth, for have I ever told you anything differently? If so, than perhaps it was a small white lie and I had to say it so that I wouldn't hurt your feelings or those others I was sworn to protect.
And sons, when I disagree with you, it is because I see things differently than yourself...it doesn't mean that I find you stupid or dim witted when I disagree...please remember that always okay?
We all should have the right to disagree when we don't agree...for we live in a world that for the most part, view things differently than what we do...I just wish that we could at least agree on the parts that would make this a better world for all, instead of only the elite few that seem to want to own more than they could ever possibly utilize adequately...for if as you know, we aren't a standing together for a better way for all to live peace ably, we are only a moving closer and closer to that edge of destruction....
I am grateful that your brother has chosen to remain state side...He told me that it was a decision he reached after asking God/Jesus and Holy Spirit to put the decision heavy upon his heart for he knew that what ever decision he reached, would be the right one...
I understand he has his own apartment now and that is a good thing, for he needs time to come back from the war energies and a working it all out alone with God/Jesus and Holy Spirit...
I know in my own world imaginings..for me I found it was better being alone and a trying than to come to a good place inside of myself with the distractions of others...making it a bit harder...know what I mean?
Son, I haven't been able to get the products sent out to you yet on the muscadine grape seed extract...this financial period I have been experiencing is making it rather hard to come up with any extra cash and the money you and your wife gave me, went for current bills, yet I am still rather hope filled, that a new day dawneth is almost upon me...time will tell, keep me still in your prayers as I
Keep you in your prayers...for when the Grace of God finally is poured down upon my world through all the injustices done to me in a place so heavily asleep and medicated...when it all breaks loose for me financially; it will be also there for you and all my family and friends...for just like you and your brother...we are most alike!
Love you lots and no I am not through writing you...only for a moment in time...
Be Safe and Always Go with God/Jesus and Holy Spirit a always a leading the way...
Be Blessed and Know That You Are!
Mom
Spiritual Ministries, Mind-Body-Spirit Vibrational Therapies
www.onlinetoniewallace.com
http://tonie-wallaceblogspot.com
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