Sickness Comes In All Flavors & Colors

Spiritual Ministries Mind Spirit Body Vibrational Medicine Research, Healing and Education Center.
July 25, 2009
"Unless One Is Of The Native American Indian Heritage You Are An Immigrant"
Rev. Tonie C. Wallace Dream-Founder and Director

Dear All One Family:

This posting was started a few days ago, before the memory of why I stopped communicating with my adopted mother...Almost three years ago, she had set into motion this case against her grand daughter and nasty Mexican husband. I got to meet my adopted daughter husband and you know, there wasn't anything nasty about him, actually, no one other than my adopted daughter's mom's sister and the man she married, got that privilege, and it wasn't because my adopted daughter wasn't proud of her guy, she was back then and is still very much in love, with her forbidden love man...a man who has been sitting in jail since December 06, 2009, no Christmas with his wife and step children, a birthday had already passed, and his wife and step children, unable to see him since February...a man of 24 years old, "innocent as the day is long."

My adopted mom's hatred for Mexicans, was present long before my adopted daughter ever dated one or married one. For I remember her saying on several occasions, how she saw them in the grocery store with a filled grocery cart with steaks and stuff and a using food stamps to pay for it all...and how angry she was that they were all on our social security system, and how she knew real Americans who paid into the system and never were able to get anything more than a few dollars a month in food stamps...all because these people were a getting it all, and even free health care...

I don't know how long I had been a dating my adopted mom's son when she got a chance to meet one of my brother's, perhaps the darkest skin toned one of them all; being simply he works outside from sun up to sun down...and we have that type of skin combination that when we get a tan, we keep a tan.

This day, my brother brought over his wife and I noticed the difference in my adopted mother's attitude towards them when they both conversed in Spanish to each other...my adopted mother got very uncomfortable and left a short time later...when she got home, she called back to my house and asked me in a very serious voice, is your brother and sister in law, Mexicans?

I told her, my brother? If I am not Mexican, why would you think he was? He and I come from the same parents, and my sister in law is from Costa Rica, so she is classified, Latino...by our government's labeling system and she is a Naturalized American Citizen, just like my mother received, so many years ago after first coming to America with my dad and three of his kids:

Then she asked me if Costa Rica was on the tip of Mexico? I told her no again, just like I told her and a few of her family members when it came up where my mother was from and it being Panama, they too wanted to know how close to Mexico it was...

It took me perhaps about ten years to understand how these plain Jane people that came down from the mountains and settled in this expansive valley, thought and how they categorized people...

1. Colored people
2. Whites
3. Mexicans

Colored people were basically people with any kind of variances in color tones other than white...Blacks, Asians, Filipinos, Hawaiians, Koreans, Vietnamese,etc. etc. etc.

To help keep these plain Jane "white" types of folks clear on what kind of person was in their direct path, "halt! friend or foe," the way that they could recognize a Mexican, was if they spoke Spanish...

The tables got turned on those that used the original classification method, when the word colored was no longer vogue...for our Black race thought it was directed at them and they wanted to know what color were they a referencing when they threw out that term at them or around them...never fully understanding that the term colored meant about 70% of the world population...and especially The Holy Lands, of which not only did Jesus have His birth at, yet primarily that is where He hung out and that is where all of His Disciples as well, originated...so I am sure that the early immigrants that came from the Middle East, were more in likely considered colored folks, because they were people of varying hues...and if they were persons that weren't high school educated in Geography, they had no clue as to where all these immigrants had landed from...and if they couldn't speak the English language, they probably as well, thought that they were from, somewhere, "south of the border," of Mexico.

Before I leave the subject of Mexico, from my history book days in High School, I seem to recall that quite a good chunk of America used to belong to Mexico...and that we obtained some of it in the Spanish-American War and such...so in all actuality, parts of United States were once Mexican territory...so who lives and who dies in America. I guess is dependant on who is at the helm and how those a serving him and us supposedly, feel about things...Mexicans-people or animals needing to be caged.

Once again I would like to explain the differences of color that is in each of us...for all know that we are all descendants of Adam and Eve.

We were all once, the same color and we spoke the same language...we all lived in the same proximity of Our Father's earth, and it was a time that we still remembered how wonderful it was being back Home in heaven...and one day a large group of us decided that we didn't want to wait for God Our Father to bring us Home, so we decided that we were going to combine our talents and construct this large tower that would reach Heaven, and all we had to do, was step off of it, and we would be Home and not have to wait to be called...

I am not sure how high we were allowed to build it, when Our Father made His presence known to us all, and we were told that we weren't to attempt that move again, for Our Father told us all the proper way to come Home, was not in that manner, so Our Father destroyed this large tower...

I am not sure how long it took us to forget Our Father's warning about coming Home in that manner, and this time we set out to build the highest anyone at that time had ever seen a building so huge and the tip of it was high in the clouds.

This time Our Father became very sad, (probably thinking, retarded kids)and He told us that He would have to punish us in a manner different than last time, for obviously we were coconut heads...so this time, when Our Father destroyed the Tower of Babel, named as such for when He toppled it, everyone on it, fall to earth and when they landed, it sounded like nothing but babbling going on, for we were all different colors and spoke different languages...Our Father did this so that we could never group together and disobey Him again in this manner.

We became a separate land and world at that time and have yet to be able to come together on anything since that time to now. There is a good possibility that our world will have to end if we don't come together soon...no not another dooms day prediction, only common sense folks, for what is causing our strife today, the inability to see eye to eye...the inability to see the Christ in all of us, the inability to look past the visuals presented in us all, and thus feel our heart energy a flowing out to all, equally...

The other day while I was a crying and praying out loud to God/Jesus and Holy Spirit, I heard somewhere deep inside of myself, "dear one don't cry, what you have here is the secret of the mission that you volunteered to do for Me before you left Heaven for these wild parts I sent you into to discover where real love existed and not...for I need to know for I see so much bad stuff done to my children and I am concerned that if I continue to allow this kind of disobedience to continue, my special children that I sent to earth to gather all this love is, love isn't present information for me, will continue to be harmed or slain and that kind of behavior is just not acceptable...and because you have given almost 58 years of heart breaking service to me, your rewards as I told you before you left will be great upon your return...

I am sorry dear one that you never found love anywhere you traveled from birth till now...I guess unconditional love isn't what my children find comfortable...and no I knew it was bad down there, yet when love given another is called, "buying ones love," I believe that makes Me the most unhappiest.

I want to thank you dear child of mine for having gone through so much sacrifice for Me and all those that were fortunate to have discovered you while you were amongst them, it is really too bad though for what you had to give them all, only a small few even recognized what it was you were a bringing them all.

Take care and slow the tears little one, for your heart with all that has been given you the entire time you were a carrying out your mission, took too many stakes of non love attacks and now you must rest for a while before I move you...now it is coming real soon, so be prepared, like in the past, travel lite, give it all away for you don't need the money that non love has for it is as empty as the hugs they gave you that meant nothing. I love you dear daughter and don't you ever forget that...Your real Father.

Dear All Family:
Today, I shared with my next door neighbor that I had discovered what my mission had been all the steps through life I had taken, from birth to now...I am a love is or is not contained in the land tester...and as I walk through my journey path commissioned by Our Heavenly Father and mingle between all those that I have crossed in my path, if they did anything under handed or mean, or make me cry, it was supposed to have been pins placed in me with the child of God's name attached to it, and what I have discovered that a while ago the pin size went to stake size and now if someone were to be stupid enough to pop a cap into me, more or less that would be a mistake for I have so much reflective metal in me, that the chance of it penetrating my flesh would be not all that easy, and It would be more of a rick a shay kind of thing, and hitting the one that sent it a flying...

When I told my neighbor what I had discovered in the heat of prayer, he told me that his sister also states that she is also a unconditional love tester and that kind of made me sad, not because I can't handle competition, no, it is more like, oh my God, Our Father has many of us doing this job, and that might mean that things could change and instead of just a purification of the planet a happening, we might easily be headed towards the big bang as prophesied in Revelations...interesting, am I fear ful, not at all, for I already told Our Father that if my Calvary(Oprah, Dr. Phil) isn't going to take me to the research center, I know our planet needs, than I want to go Home, for I know that I can get more accomplished there, than I have here...

More later

Be Blessed Always
love, light and peace
Tonie

Love Doesn't Live In The Land I Made My Home For Twenty Years-Part Two

Spiritual Ministries Mind Spirit Body Vibrational Medicine Research, Healing and Education Center.
July 25, 2009
Trying To Awaken From The Long Sleep I Put Myself In To Escape The Pain Of Knowing The Truth

Dear All One Family:

I just want all to know that my taking on the storm of my adopted daughter hasn't come without pain or loss, for I discovered that no one knew all those things that I have written, and to make matters worse, my children as well, demanded that I throw my adopted daughter away for the case was making me crazy, and it was all her fault that I went into the space that I had.

My poor adopted daughter, she gets the blame for everything...then when I got a few of the many things locked inside of me and told them all that her case was a catalyst for change in a big way for me, for stepping into her case like I promised her the first day I met her and in her found that this one was nothing like all the rest, for this child had perhaps too much of her mother and maybe that was the real reason for her banishment from the tribe and maybe the reason why she was basically used as the whipping child, as an example what others would get were they not to confirm and obey...and this little creature of love, had a difficult time in the land without love or compassion...I don't know, we will see how all of this is handled...Peace out.

Be Blessed
Love, Light and Peace
Tonie

Spiritual Ministries Mind Spirit Body Vibrational Medicine Research, Healing and Education Center.
Part Two
July 25, 2009

When My Adopted Mom Told Me That My Real Mom-“Was Jealous of Her”

I told my adopted mother, “again mom, my mother has never had anything against you at all and it would really surprise me if she had this so called jealousy as you state, for I never gave her any reason to believe that I would love another more than I love her…and all my mother said about you was, “I believe that your boyfriend's mother is your largest problem, for I don’t believe she really loves you as much as she is telling you that she does, for the love you are not receiving back from the one you love, her son, is caused by all the disturbances she is bringing down on the family, with your name on it…and all because she does not want to lose again, the one that was taken based on lies, power and greed…like her life.”

My mother as I told my adopted mother, stated, “this woman loves you the best that she knows how to love, yet as you can tell, those that told her they loved her, also did not know what love is or is not…perhaps you are to show them what love is and is not, perhaps you might never succeed in doing that, for the man you love is a good man and no, he does not feel the same way as his misguided family, for in his world, he has to see everybody as being equal or he could not do his job.”

My mother, as I told my adopted mother, liked her son very much, she as well as my dad, could not understand his need to hang back of all of the racist crap you and his entire tribe of folks believed was the only way to be in God’s created land called Earth, for he knew that you and his brother and sisters were a carrying the torch of not all were equal and he knew it was a lie, yet to hold the peace that only comes from all agreeing that the things and belief of the assault weapon baton of stupid holder, are true and needed to be abided by, holding his silence and allowing them to believe he believed the same way as them, allowed him to easily not tune in to their “ways and means for the whole family,” discussions…for silence is not only golden to him, yet also was the best method to handle a family too down in an already upside down-down world.

So as I told my adopted mom, "my mother believed that her son had feelings for me, yet could never express them, for he did not want to disturb that which was already disturbed in his family." For The way my mother saw it, my moon stars and heaven, knew that we came from different sides of the train tracks that may never ever connect. For my real mother said to me this; "you will not believe this to be real until the day that the one who is in control, does something to you, that disturbed you to begin with and then your moon, stars and heaven, does the exact same thing, adding his support to her action…"

Then my adopted mom asked me angrily, “well did he do something like your mom said he would?” I told her, “yes, unfortunately he did.” She said, “When?” I told her that it happened at one of the get together’s that we had at her house.

She had just had knee surgery for the second time and was not able to get around very good and she was worried that her kitchen floor was too dirty, so I told her that I would mop it, for it would not take me long and she said that she did not have a mop and just to let it go, and I told her that I like mopping the floor on my hands and knees and she told me that no one is permitted to mop the floor on their hands and knees in her house, and I said, just watch me…for that is the only way that my mother wanted me to mop her floors, for then you can see the dirt left and in the corners...

So about ½ way through the floor mopping job, her oldest daughter came into the kitchen and kicked me in the seat of the pants as I was on my hands and knees a mopping, not hard enough to leave bruises on my tail, just firm enough to know that I had stepped outside of the place that they had all placed me and then she and my adopted mom laughed about it while she said, “now what did mom say not to do?”

Your son, reached out and kicked me as well, not as hard as the one mom you said, took your place as mom,” just enough to allow his sister to know he was a backing her up and me not, for he had never done anything like that to me in the past…I found it a strange moment and I had my own mother’s words racing through my head-act showing support to tribal leader…and perhaps he never knew why from that moment forward, our days remaining together were numbered, and not by his own calendar of events…for that kick he gave showing his sister support, bruised not only my heart, yet went as deep as my soul…

Having said that to my adopted mom and knowing that I could not go on a being used by her to do bad things to one of her own and the one that I promised I would never drop kick her to the curb, like her dad’s entire family had done…I asked my adopted mother this most important question.

“Mom all these years of living without your son in my life, all these years you told me to hang on, for there would come a time when he would perhaps awaken and see me for what I mean to him, and as you told me all these years how he still was not with the right one for he treated his new girlfriend, the same way that he had treated me and how he is still saying he will never marry again…and I feel like you just kept me a hanging on, never believing, “that by my tying up the cow he was a milking for free after eight years,” as you took pleasure in calling me that…I just want to know before I go away from you, did you really tell him that I was the one that you felt was the best choice that ever came his way?

My adopted mother told me, “Yes, several times down through the years.” “I also told him that I would never allow myself to feel as close to any of the rest the girls he would ever bring around me again and that I would never allow them to know that, yet I will never allow them inside of my heart like I have you, for if you go away like you say you must to be free of yesterday, I will try and understand, yet know that by losing you in my life, I have lost a lot…and if I die soon, it is all because of you and that I would definitely be a telling all those to come after you in my son's life that you are my adopted daughter because I was going to have you in the family, one way or the other, for there has never been anyone in my son’s entire life that has ever treated me with so much love, devotion and respect.”

My adopted mother even told me that not only did she make a tape that he would receive after her death a reconfirming that which she had already told him years prior, plus she made one for all of her kids, including me and did I want to hear it before I broke communication with her over my adopted daughter- her grand daughter?

…I told her that I had heard it the last time she had called and that I wasn’t going to go over to her place and pick it up, I would just wait to see how long it took her son/family to even mention that it was left for me to have after she passed.

Dealing With The AfterMath, I Hoped Was Not Going To Follow
I was absolutely horrified and so disillusioned in discovering how she had played me for such a fool in order to break/destroy her grand daughter from the grave, for if that was not her intention, than how is it she had no evidence in which to throw anything out so ridiculous as what she was a trying to do, and was not she in essence, a completing a forever written in the family history book, character murder of her grand daughter, the stealing away of her children-great grand children, my adopted mothers great grand children, and the reinforcement of racism, & bigotry by alleging facts, when there were no facts, only assumptions/illusionary imagines that she was a carrying from perhaps her own history of character assassination from her own kids dad, and one that they wouldn’t allow her to clear her name and return her mother is good status back to her?

I Then Asked My Adopted Mom, Will This Be A Vengeance Is Mine Moment For Her When It All Falls Down On Her Grand Daughter?

My adopted mother said that even though her kids would not let her talk about anything about their dad because they believed him, yet knew what the rotten things he had given and done to her, and how only one of her kids ever told her that she knew that what her mother had been through was real and that dad was not right in the head and was a very sick and depressed man, especially when he drank too much alcohol…yet because it was so painful for her youngest daughter to have to remember what life with dad and her mom was like; and that by talking about it, it made her remember all the pain and anguish of yesterday and it was something she had been trying her whole life time since, a trying to forget…something like, "misery likes company," not!

When I told her that her miracle baby, my moon stars and heaven, had basically told me the same thing, for all he remembers is the yelling, screaming and violence that resulted from the relationship that had ended and he felt that perhaps all members in the family along with him were happy when it ended; and thus bringing it all back forward, was too painful for them all and were his mom to realize that; that it was not that they believed dad, for my moon stars and heaven was the one, he told me; that asked her to leave because at his young age, he didn’t know if he could protect her anymore from his dad who seemed to be getting angrier and angrier, more and more every day…and might harm her the next time more seriously than in the past.

Promises Are Promises Are Promises
My adopted mother begged me to not intervene in this, for this was something she had to do in order to rest peaceful eternally...

I told her that when I make a promise that I would always be there for her grand daughter and accepted her in my life as my adopted daughter, I wasn’t just a mouthing those words, I meant that very thing and from listening to her and her aunts and her uncle and herself…the only thing I found that my adopted daughter had done wrong, was having a baby out of wed lock, and her refusal to have an abortion like her aunt demanded that she should have…at the age of 17.

Also because all her dad’s family she was told by her dad; had told her daddy what a selfish, ungrateful and using him for his money kind of daughter her grand daughter was to her dad, and so being the good son he withdrew the extras that my adopted daughter told him that she needed to fill in those times that her oldest son’s dad had; when he was between jobs and because her oldest son’s dad, didn’t want the responsibility of the "baby bull calf," that had been produced by the cow he was a freely milking, and showed his return not affection, by a wanting her to abort her/his son, along with her own dad’s family a wanting the same, so when, my adopted daughter didn’t comply to his wishes as well, he made her oldest son/his son, not a very high priority when it came to child support payments, and the frequency of her oldest son’s dad’s check a coming in regular not all that secure…

A Rock Between A Hard Place; Yes! That Where I Be Planted, A Sleeping In My Own Bed That I Had Made

That fact in combination with the missing in action of being a father person, called her youngest two kids daddy in seed donation only, a more or less a following the same type of behavior as the father of her oldest son…$24,000 in back child support payments. This figure should have hit everyone in the face with the truth as to why now, after almost ten years of not really a wanting to play the father role, due to what ever other reason he might have wanted to use, the fact of the matter is this: Any father that allows anyone else to stand between him and his young children, is not a man.

I told my adopted mother; V.H., this when she told me that she wanted her great grand daughter to be placed with her daddy. A place my adopted mother felt was where she needed to be…for according to her; her grand daughter was the worst kind of mother, she worked all of the time, her son my adopted daughter’s daddy was a having to spend all of his hard earned money on his daughter and her kids and he was a having to watch them a lot of the time so that she could work and make all the money that she did, so that she could give it to her damn nasty Mexican husband to send home to his family.

I asked my adopted mother when she told me that my adopted daughter’s daughter had confessed to having had her titty’s touched and squeezed by the step father, "just how did the subject even come up" and she told me that she asked her point blank, and when she told her the first time, "no, her step father hadn’t touched her or her brother," my adopted mother told me that she knew her great grand daughter was a lying, just like her mommy she was a becoming!"

"So she asked her again and again and again…till she got the truth!"

Dear V.H., in my non-attorney at law, knowledgeable justice- supposing- maintaining –viewing, in this masters level obtaining-training; certificate and one plague needed for proof of professionalism…field, called law:

I told my adopted mother that what she had extracted from her grand daughter’s child, her great grand daughter… (“the sins of the parents a falling down upon the children for six generations,”) supposed statement, which if not careful would be adding even more flame strength to the continuing assault weapon torch flame that was producing a even more luminance than what it had the last time the” torch of stupid” was given a dose of rocket fuel…as I looked down the road of this family future, a family that I still love and still loves me not, even now, a not too distant future of even more horrendous activities that will continue to drag the family down to even more dark and hideous ways as God serves out His “Vengeance is Mine Plan.”

I told my adopted mother that what she had done was extract information through interrogation techniques that she had, happened to her from her kids dad when he would fly into her bedroom in the wee hours of the morning a getting all of the kids out of bed, and a leading them into this sleeping mommy’s bedroom perhaps as she always imagined, a just leaving another’s bedroom and that bedroom being in her imagination based on the things that she saw go on around her and believing it all true, because no one told her different…any bedroom that he could stop at and visit freely…for he had a s.o.b at home, and more mouths than what he knew how to feed, especially when the crops failed and this or that stupid thing would happen at the most inconvenient time and thus the living in the darkness, where everything was everybody else’s fault; was a whole lot easier to face, than standing full face in the Light of God, and finding the positives out of the negatives presented to him and finding gratitude for all that had been given him, his wife and his kids.

…And understanding that in order to get a clear all sins and ugly choices, forgiven paid pass Home, he had to change the flow and intensity of the torch of stupid and by the time that it finally dawned on him, the need for having done so, so that the flame of stupid wouldn’t continue to burn, and thus destroy even more innocent gifts from God; children that were when first arrived sleeping angels and his job along with the mom were to make sure that they all knew how to find God again and the road map that He left us with the history, and protocol steps we needed to take, the lessons of others and why they were being called out as examples for change in those a reading those key and clue given words…”faith the size of a mustard seed and one could move mountains,” kind of a thing. Bible=B-Basic I-Instruction B-Before L-Leaving E-Earth

The Golden Rule, “do unto others that which you would have done unto you,” kind of thing.

He would also have to review the “Ten Commandments,”

1. Instead of calling alcohol and wild women his God, he would have to teach forgiveness to his children not by beating it into them, verbally or physically or emotionally…he would have to practice it by first forgiving himself, than the forgiving of all others can be begin, and then by demonstrating that forgiveness is now allowed to be opened in the family for the first time in probably five generations that I have been able to surmises…that one and simple change alone would have changed the direction of the family I am now viewing and a crying and a shaking/scratching my head/heart, soul and my praying with all my might- faith filled Christ and Holy Spirit over and waiting to see the miracles that were to come out of this dark night of one’s soul experience that my adopted daughter is in and one I can testify was caused by my adopted mother, whose mind and all the repressed and not allowed to be surfaced bad things done and said to her moments, and all those things that she saw in her grand daughter, were all those things that had been done to her…
2. I also believe that had my adopted mom’s husband/dad to her children not tricked the mom out of her baby as a way to prove her unfit…taking my adopted mom’s only reason to stay a living and a breathing…perhaps the cycle that has already crossed three generational lines…of trashing the momma, and always a making her out to be crazy or a liar, or ignorant, or a whore, or a poor choice maker, or the one known as my adopted daughter, the family public whipping, black sheep that wouldn’t concede and follow the plan laid out for them by the current tribal leader and thus are casted out due to the tribal leaders having made the decision that due to her actions, her punishment is: she is not worthy of anyone’s attention, support, or love and the free choice to marry anyone that they don’t personal approve of or chose for her and thus, absolutely not, are they to be able to relocate to any where they wanted to, not for love, and only for money.

So when my adopted daughter's grandfather near the end of his life, told his youngest daughter, "if I had it all to do all over again," I told my adopted mom, please don't take that he meant he would have done a better job in handling the honor and respect of the mother thing...for when one lives their whole life a seeing good and calling it bad, I just can't see him turning 360 degrees, although the Bible does state, "that all can change in a blink of an eye," and never say never...peace out.

It is therefore that I content that had my adopted mother’s husband and role modeling example to her children; had he followed our God given Commandment of not lying, stealing or bearing false testimony, and had he only once demonstrated the Commandment of “Honor thy father and thy mother and thy days would be many here on earth,” by showing honor and respect to his kids momma; perhaps the lack of respect for the mother wouldn’t have returned, the stealing of my adopted daughter’s children, three generations down from the one that caused this large karmic return…

That what is right before the family and on everyone’s table here, even those pretending it isn’t a happening and is, simply due to my taking it from underneath the rug it was hidden and they thought buried forever, (contacts with my adopted mother) and now the visible proof of the father/husband lack of standing up and confessing his part in the whole of things, and changing the destructive path that he had lead his family-personally towards; wouldn’t be so apparent that he hadn’t changed a bit of any of those stupid programs in his own family’s stupid baton passed to the oldest in charge and sent on down the road, creating even more generations of destructive repatterning. Or like my adopted mother always said; "hard heads make soft asses that results from all the falls they have taken, when they didn't have to, for all they had to do was listen, speak ass!"

That kept fortifying and strengthening the premise that all women are liars, cheats, stealers of the male things,whores, unfit and that women only do something for you; because they are a wanting to buy your love, as if the love that they were keeping to themselves; was all that warm and full and fuzzy, and comforting and protective and worth all that they had been put through in order to capture that which they were accused of trying to buy the one that they loved, love…

I can think of so many stupid sayings right now to fit this pause moment of reflection of what this almost a year of mental retarded behavior I was committed to follow when I promised my adopted daughter that I would never leave her alone in the storm because everybody else but her only real relatives, her mom’s sister and her uncle, the man her aunt married, and myself were the only ones that she had to come to, for everybody else had shut the door to her, since she found herself pregnant and refused to have the abortion of her oldest and first child…

“Stupid is, as stupid does, can’t hate stupid, and one can’t possibly change stupid, unless stupid chooses to change themselves.”

End of Part 2











Rev. Tonie C. Wallace Dream-Founder and Director

Love Doesn't Live In The Land I Gave My All At For Twenty Years

Spiritual Ministries Mind Spirit Body Vibrational Medicine Research, Healing and Education Center.
July 25, 2009
"Matters Of The Heart, Up Front & Personal" Part One

Dear All One Family:

What you are being given in this newsletter posting, is what I am a wanting to present to save my adopted daughter, husband and children...I don't believe at all that this is a trial that is trying my adopted daughter and casting off her children or even punishing her husband for being a Mexican.

I believe it is a case of transference, where as when she sees my adopted daughter, her grand daughter, she is actually a seeing herself and the trial is necessary so that her kids can see her now, looking through the eyes of her grand daughter and discovering in her own backward illusionary world, that she was innocent, in case they weren't paying attention, and I am wondering had they allowed me to help them go through an intervention with her, would this case have ever came to be...just a throwing it all out there, to see what comes back. Part 2 to follow shortly...

Be Blessed All
Love, Light and Peace
Tonie

Introduction
July 23, 2009
Spiritual Ministries Mind Spirit Body Vibrational Medicine Research, Healing and Education Center.

Dear V.H. & Guardian Ad Liteum Attorney –Wadesboro

My Proclamation & Testimony for the Defense: “Love Doesn’t Live Here In The Land I Stayed At For Twenty Years

I am not one bit surprised that this case is a going down on my adopted daughter and her husband’s necks right now.

I actually had been given prior notification about it, perhaps two or three years ago, when I had to stop talking with my adopted mother. The reason that I had to go away from her was because she told me then about her plans of leaving this mess on her grand daughter as her death wish.

I once thought that I had talked her out of it, and tried endlessly then and other times before to show her how irrational her thinking process was progressing, for at no time did she have proof of those things that she labeled her grand daughter and I told her that I wouldn’t stand down and hold my peace no matter who threatens to beat my tail or take pot shots at me from the woods or sidelines…for as I know, this is a family that likes their business kept secret…at any cost, even if it meant that my adopted mother using the front line of perhaps, “you owe me, you never allowed me to speak up and tell my side of anything, and now I have been telling you for years that my grand daughter is an unfit mother and you all are unjust in the handling of this sexual abuse by the nasty Mexican being done to my precious great grand daughter, just like your handling of the abuse that took place between your father and myself and how you wouldn’t allow me to speak then and now when I have told you what I have been seeing with her and what she had told me was a happening and you all are going to refuse me this as well? For you all are as guilty as the mother of my great grand daughter, for allowing that dirty nasty Mexican to continue to abuse her. V.H., it took me awhile to remember why I

Guilt that has some bases, is always the hardest to walk away from, know what I mean? All knew that lots of times, like my own real biological mother did; told things that did come true, so for their mother that never understood, why the kids wanted to forget yesterday and not go there in conversation each and every time they visited her, wasn’t because they didn’t care, it was because they all wanted to forget what it was that they were taught for none of them, wanted that hell repeated to their own children and grand children to follow…basically, too shell shocked enough for having experienced the nightmare, thank you so much! For way too long and now the numbness has set in, and the eyes, ears and heart no longer wants to party in misery land…the land of no forgiveness or any surrender and releasing to God/Jesus and Holy Spirit; those things that by releasing them, she would become lighter and filled more with the Trinity’s energy of the Father/Christ & Holy Spirit that would help lead her more into the direction of understanding, compassion, forgiveness, surrender and peace that would her understand how important it was of a mission to extinguish the assault weapon baton of stupidity that her husband kept a blazing so brightly that many others could see for miles a way…actually for two generations to date…


I Remembered What I Tried Desperately To Forget
V.H., it took me awhile to remember why I stopped talking/taking my adopted mother’s phone calls…for it was a time that my own mother’s health was a rapidly declining and I was dealing with how in the world would I possibly be alright once she left this planet, for she was the only one that could comfort me when the world seemed to be giving me more abuse moments than not, she was the one that I ran to be held and rocked from the another moment in time that caused me sadness, pain or depression.

My mother was my rock, and that which I identified with…Daughter’s role model their mothers, or grandmas, or aunts, sometimes sisters…yet generally mothers, and the good, the bad and the indifference located within them…

My relationship with my mother, hadn’t always been that wonderful, it took the moment in time when I asked the question, that changed the entire scenario of what a momma’s and a dad’s love is supposed to be, when I asked that magical question one day that I heard from my mother’s too liquor filled and soaked brain cells, simply due to the fact that I had to go to school, to learn a trade so that I could raise my kids alone, and it was six months only in length, and also as well, go to work for them at their largest gas station part time, so that left me with not as much time that I needed to be a good full time parent…yet I rationed, six months, my kids are in good hands with my sister, she loves them and would lay down her life for them, just as I would…yet my mother had a problem with my being gone too much, even short term…

So she said those magical words one day, a day when I had been given too much on an already too much plate filled plate, “why don’t you give those boys to their dad, for he would make a better parent than you, for you are always gone these days…”

So hurt was I about those words to me already delicate condition for she had already told me that if a man runs around on you, it is your fault for not being all he wanted you to be in the moment-sex on command…Then I knew how it was that my dad gave her nine babies, and like he told me close to the end of his life, when he was reminiscing about those last few days before our mother departed for Home, and how she had messed her panties and how he had cleaned up her mess and found her highly resistant to him having to handle her in such a personal way…for like he told me, 57 years married to your mommy and I never ever saw her naked…

I know that for the first 26 years of my life and two sons in the mix, he never told her that he loved her, that he needed her, that he was proud of her, and or how grateful to God he was…and she didn’t say those things back to him as well, for he was the one a calling the shots to what words she could say to us kids, (since my first day of kindergarten and the lie was put forth that effected and impacted our whole life, for our mother’s voice and thoughts were withheld from us kids, when we needed it the most, in a strange land with strangers a acting and a treating us like we were animals and not desiring of the same air space as themselves, all based on a lie told to cover the doings of injustice simply because of who the person was, one of their own.) for he was the one with the English permissible only key, and had my father thought it necessary to hear those words given him, he should have given them to my mother to express…for he was the boss, yet he didn’t want anyone to know who it was that was calling all the shots, all of our beatings to get us under control, for the school said we weren’t in control and being our dad always took the stories of others over ours…for he liked her taking all of the blame for his failures…and him all of the credit for our family team work effort, that he saw as a table for one thing.….

My adopted mother tried to comfort me, after arousing my, another in time moment of; “not being enough,” moment as she told me things about my moon, star and heaven, that which she and he actually knew that I called her son.

So many times in the past, I would ask her, why wasn’t I ever enough for him, for you or your children?

She would try to pass it away from her children and put it off on her son, simply due to all those things that his women choices of yesterday had done to him and now he no longer wanted love, only a cow he could milk and you were it until your milk dried up and he went off to get another milker cow…never understanding that what she was a telling me, was a breaking my heart…then again, maybe she did and was only a trying to spare me the added hurt of knowing that the real reason we weren’t together, had little to do with not enough love…and actually it was more about, my moon stars and heaven, no longer wanting to be on the firing range of everybody’s racism and bigot thinking.

With the programmed wildly burning assault weapon torch of stupidity with proven venom to affect and effect many more generations of the family and its name and the name he wanted to put to it, that would somehow help him in succeeding in erasing the memory of, all of his life, and a family that smiles in your face and rips you a new configuration when your back is turned…thus harming other innocent by standers by having to sit and watch the fire works, that never seemed to ever die down…the fire works of hate, racism, bigotry, deceit, theft, lies, control, injustice, judgment and everybody a wanting to always pull him into the middle of it…and him always a telling everyone, leave me out of it, and all go to your own corners and figure it all out yourself…


So many times after listening to all the horror stories about the father of my moon, stars and heaven, and all the stories about her kids and the lives they were a living and how they began and where she felt this one or that one could have done a better job had they only allowed her inside again, instead of her oldest daughter that was given the job of being the mother to her once stolen miracle baby and his baby…and her angry being she had been held out of the inside since their dad had a crooked attorney put together a divorce agreement that put in attorney terms the part where their dad was to gain custody of her baby and miracle baby as she called my moon, stars and heaven…

My adopted mom called her son “miracle baby”, because when she was a carrying him, her kidneys started to fail and the doctor wanted her to abort her baby I believe in around the 6 or 7th month of pregnancy and the doctor told her that she could die before or after her baby’s birth if she didn’t do as he asked, now!

My adopted mom told me that she told her doctor, that there was no way this baby of hers would be killed…for if she allowed that to happen, then when she went Home to God, he would find her guilty of murder and the thought of having killed her baby, would also have killed her…

I would also have to concur with what she did and said, for I too am not one of those persons that believe children are here on accident…and I am so glad that she didn’t allow the doctors to tell her that which she knew not to be true, for to never had my moon stars and heaven to come here, even for the short span of time that he was, I would have missed out on a lot…I told her that the quietness in him, wasn’t due to his not being able to get over his first wife and the illness of depression that she could never shake loose or throw to God as she got into Jesus lap and allowed him to carry her until she could get stronger and walk on her own accord again, strong, freely and unafraid of all those things that used to frighten her and make her cry when she should have been celebrating the victory of finding my moon stars and heaven in her life.

I told my adopted mom, that the silence that she mistakenly called him not ever getting over the first wife and her unexpected death, just when he thought that she had finally shaken the darkness inside of her and was now able to see him, instead of her bastardly father who thought the gift that she held that was supposed to be her husband, he stole away from her…and now instead of her husband being in bed with her, she had instead, her father’s unwelcomed touches indicating concretely that he hated her, for like I felt when my father tried to awaken me into woman hood, and just from his unwelcomed touch and intent that I dodged like a bullet with God/Jesus and Holy Spirit’s assistance, I spent years taking that disgusting moment out of my head…and tried my hardest to give it all over to God/Jesus and Holy Spirit’s to transmute that moment in time, that would make me distrust all males in the safe handling of a daughter were I to have one, of which I didn’t and in a large way, I am better off for not having one, for if I knew that anybody came near my daughter and tried to do to her, what was attempted not once, yet a few times with the last time when I was nine months along in my pregnancy and my daddy tried to pull me into my parents bedroom, telling me he wanted to show me something…I pulled back away from him and told him, what do you hate me so much, that you would try to do this to me, knowing that I am pregnant and carrying your grand child, and married to the father of my baby?

Things I Said To My Father The Last Time He Made A Move To Rape Me, And Me Married With His First Grand Child, Ever…

Have you no shame? Do you not know that in Heaven, God/Jesus and Holy Spirit are observing the one that begged and pleaded with them to help me see you in a forgiving light, being your abusive alcohol drinking problem has almost totally destroyed your brain? And What Little Part Of Me Left Remaining Inside of Me That Still Wants To Love, Honor & Respect You and In Return Be Able To Love A Man & Trust Him Enough So That I Won’t Have To Worry, That My Man Is Doing The Same Thing To My Babies That You With Your Drunkenness Have Tried To Do To Me!

And now what little respect I have been able to gather since I was 13 years old and you wanted me to walk down the stealing and taking away from my mother that which belonged to her…daddy oh please daddy, stop the destruction and get yourself back to God, where you know you and your family belong…for unbeknownst to you because you are so drunk, that in the living room that is right near you and moms bedroom door that you tried to pull me through it, sits all four of your kids a watching television…or at least a pretending to.

Back to Point-Real Reason for My Moon, Stars and Heaven’s Inability to Speak
I believe that my moon, stars and heaven, my adopted mom’s miracle born son, real reason that he couldn’t communicate well with others, is because of the reason that his dad used on others, to steal him away…My adopted mother worked in the mills on the midnight shift, for times were hard, crops failed and she had a rough time a keeping her husband together with his advancing mental depression growing by leaps and bounds, for as he became more depressed, his drinking increased considerably…and that meant, not all that much work was he able to do, so she basically had to do what she could, for he was one of those guys, that didn’t like to share the money that they both brought in together…and most of the time, told her they didn’t have any, when he did and he knew and she knew it..

So by working the midnight shift, her older kids could watch her miracle baby for her so that she could work all night, come home in the morning, take my little moon stars and heaven and put him on the bed next to her and tell him, “sweet baby, please allow your mommy to sleep for just a few hours and if you sit on the bed and play with your truck and let your mommy sleep, I will tonight, buy you a new little car to play with tomorrow…okay?

My adopted mom told me, that when she would awaken from her troubled slumber, for she never quite hardened herself to those fear filled moments of being startled awake when he would awaken my babies from their slumber to bring them into my bedroom and turn on the lights and teach them how to despise the mommy, probably the best thing he ever had going and was so manic depressed from all the failures of perhaps not only his own life, yet maybe that of his father’s as well…

All those over startling moments contributed heavily to her chronic weakening heart from all the abuse that she was forced to swallow down all those 28 years she claimed him to be her moon stars and heaven, even when he was at his worst, she loved him still…

That is why, she understood the love that I had for her son, she had that love degree as well, and I think that was what we shared the most of, knowing how to fall stupid, when we don’t choose one, “equally yoked.” It makes a world of difference, you know?

We were both fixer uppers, and we sometimes laughed about those moments that got us in trouble for caring too much and helping all others, that God knows, is too much.

Oh well, maybe in the next life, I will discover moderation or maybe I will now grow breasts, finally, hoorah! Being I am not a man, and the saying I am now growing testicles, would definitely sound too butch yet that is more exact as to how I want to describe the moment.

Actually, this is how my adopted mother put in a sealed wrapper that which she saw down the road of her imaginings were I to drop anchor and help her grand daughter…first she said she would haunt me, I laughed and said; go on with your bad self, The God and Father that I serve and adore, isn’t going to let you touch one hair of my head for this is what He would want me to do.

For I told her that God knows I am trying to save my adopted daughter’s her loved ones lives here, and her own butt as well from hell’s fire, and throwing her own kids & all of their lines of children’s children under the bus as well! I told her that the ones that helped her do this as well will be cursed as well for another six generations, so that would mean another 7 generations cursed or would that mean , 12 generations, your 6 and their 6…I don’t know I told her how she could use what little she had to go on to form all of this…that there had to be lots more for my kids to do to me, to do this kind of stuff with so little evidence other than your own imaginings and the words of a child that she knew she had basically interrogated her to give up the answers she wanted, and what if, she did to you, what she saw your grand daughter, her mother do to you when ever she visited with her in the past.

I told her that my adopted daughter told her everything that she wanted to hear, just to stop the hammering away at her, for that is what has been her life since she lost her mommy, for she really never had anyone on her side, only me and her grandmother with and all of her dad’s family; put her on the outside.

You kept your grand daughter on the outside and blamed her for not a coming in…I am actually the fault for all of this mess a happening to your grand daughter and how I am involved is…I did what you asked, I told your grand daughter that you weren’t doing so well and that no matter how mean others are to you, you can get through this, all you have to do, is first forgive her baby, for she knew not what she did…ask God/Jesus and Holy Spirit to please forgive for she knew not what she did, and to forgive you in those moments that you wanted to say so much more, and didn’t say enough and followed her game of attack, and said too much about stuff that didn’t matter, so change was never found between the two of you…only more stuff that you ran to her dad and those that would listen to you about your grand daughter, and generally in the past, she would have an aunt or her dad a wanting to speak to her about what she had said to you to get you in such a ruckus and that if she didn’t care about you, she needed to leave you alone, for already her disobedience and her selfishness to her dad was a killing him…

I told my adopted daughter, your grand daughter mom, that you had been asking me to talk to her about at least bringing around her great grand children to see her before she passed, for if her grand daughter, the one that she promised her mother before she passed that she would take care of you, for that was her son’s wife’s greatest fear that were she to go Home before her children were grown, who would take care of them, and I told her that I would, and I did my best, yet now that my life is nearly over, I discover that my grand daughter never really loved me enough to understand that everything I ever did, I did for the love that I have for her and her children, so I told your grand daughter that you wanted your great grand children to at least know that you loved them and was always thinking about them…

I told my adopted mom that her grand daughter didn’t want to start going back around her grand mother for there was nothing she could say that she wasn’t told that she was lying about it, and everything and everybody that she has ever taken around her grand mother, they are this or they are that, and everything is an interrogation and dad already isn’t the happiest father right now, with my brother always a making him mad by telling him that he doesn’t own every second of his life, so she wasn’t sure that it was going to be a good thing a coming around you, yet she felt it wouldn’t hurt if she left her little girl with her grand mother for a short while being her little girl is so helpful around the house and this would give her little girl an opportunity to remember her great grandmother in a better way than she could.

I told my adopted mother that I was the cause of this whole mess and only because I talked my adopted daughter in trying to bridge the gap between the both of you, and now
I feel like you set her up, using me as the fall person again. I was so upset that I started crying, for my adopted daughter didn’t want to return to yesterday and all the pain and anguish, she had been given in the past before with her dad’s family.

I feel that I more or less, when I heard all the protests of my adopted daughter play itself over and over again in my head, and how I had taken so much time a trying to convince her that this was her grand mother’s request and how bad she would feel if she didn’t have closure on her grand mother and her relationship that perhaps she would spend her life time a judging grand mother by yesterday’s ghost voices, when perhaps were she to take another look, forgive her and ask her to forgive you as well, and maybe a new leaf would be turned between the two of them and when grand mother went Home to Heaven, she would be able to look her own mother in her eyes and tell her that she had done the best job she could with you, that you both had those moments that you really didn’t like one another that much, yet somehow you were able to patch work the differences and move on towards a new day together before she left.
So now here I am again, caught in the middle of you my adopted mom, and that of my adopted daughter and I am just going have to pull for my daughter, being you aren’t and I sent her into the trap, that you told me that you knew this time that you were a dying for sure and now I have to take a stand for what is right, and this time, you are not right in this one…for let’s take in consideration the evidence that you say that you know 150% proves that your great grand daughter is being molested by her step daddy, “that damn nasty Mexican.”

1. About a year ago a speck of blood was found in your great grand daughter’s panties, by your grand daughter’s dad, your son’s live in girlfriend then…she calls you to tell you of the incident, and you in turn call your grand daughter and tell her that you knew that her damn nasty Mexican was a raping her great grand daughter…and either check it out or you were turning her into social services…

Your grand daughter did exactly what you asked, not because of your threats because she had been threatened by you and her dad, ever since her mommy died and left her here with all the people in her world, except her mom’s sister; that never stopped showing her that she loved her.

My adopted daughter, your grand daughter told me that she did it, for she wanted to know what happened because she too had been raped as a child and when she told her dad who what and when the first rape occurred , he told her that she was a liar…so the next two rapes, went unexpressed…

So I told my adopted mom, that my adopted daughter, her grand daughter had the same kind of disgust for rapists that I have and she has, and that inside of her, lives the momma bear and the daddy bear joined energy, that were on stand by to attack anyone or anything that would dare harm her little girl or her sons, for it had taken many years for her to get over the memory of those times that others thought so little of her to do what they did to her, and then when she told her dad about it, and got told she was a liar and more or less to blame for the event, there was no way in hell, that any s.o.b., were going to harm her children, just because she loved them, for her children’s safety & protection came first!

So even though your grand daughter I told her, “didn’t like the doctors a poking and examining her daughter down there, she did it, because she wanted to know if there were any possibilities that rape or molestation had taken place, even though her daughter told her that she had earlier in the day, fell on the bar of her little brother’s bicycle when she wreaked on it and hurt her self down there.”

So when the doctor told her that it was just a small tare in her cherry, the small thin membrane that gets taken out totally the first time penetration of anything, one of her mommy’s tampons or a penis or a toy jammed up there during sexual exploration which studies have shown that even infants have been discovered self masturbating, as young as 16 months old…and with all the sexual explicit behavior that can been seen in day time soap operas, not to mention HBO movies with a PG rating…

So a small tare in her great grand daughter’s, cherry, not vaginal opening is in her estimation, conclusive proof that her great grand daughter was raped by the nasty Mexican and she didn’t buy the doctor’s findings?

Then I asked her what did social services discover in their investigation about the charge that my adopted daughter’s husband had touched his step daughter’s breast? She told me that when they asked her great grand daughter what had happened, she told them that she had lied and the reason she lied to me, was because she like my grand mother, didn’t like her mommy a working so much and she felt that if she told this lie that maybe her mommy wouldn’t work so much and would stay at home with her and her brother, who missed her that much to lie.


So I told my adopted mother, with no evidence at all in which to bring this death wish of yours off, what are you going to present in order to get this terrible injustice done?

For it wouldn’t be legal for one, for I believe we still have “due process of law,” required and all that I see that you have in order to just randomly take your grand daughter’s only real love and children away from her is your assumptions and assumptions aren’t supposed to be admissible in our court system and my adopted mother told me that she knew somebody in social services that would help her, help her children, for she knew all those things that my children’s father had done to me, stealing my baby and all and making me into the blame, when he was the one that created all of the mess we experienced in our family, so she would help me.

I told my adopted mother that there can’t be any kind of that behind the justice viewing eyes system, for proof is proof, and that “one is innocent before proven guilty,” and no one, and I mean no one who believes that their name is written in The Book of Life, they believe such as herself believes, that in my estimation, it could possibly remain there for we are not to judge others, for that is God’s job…for remember; “vengeance is mine saith the Lord My God,” and I told her that I couldn’t believe that she would be a associating with someone that didn’t understand the full impact of , the commandment about, “not bearing false witness,” and she told me, oh I was told that the court system has made it easier for these child rapists to go away forever…and never see their families again…so I told her then, so all of these was to get the ‘damn nasty Mexican away from her grand daughter, once and for all?

My adopted mom told me that she was 150% still sure that the “damn nasty Mexican had raped her grand daughter and yes, getting the “damn nasty Mexican,” out of her grand daughter’s life, would make everybody’s life better, for we all told my grand daughter to leave the colored people and damn Mexicans alone…and here she was not only a marrying him against everybody’s wishes and a wanting to embarrass our entire family by a wanting to bring him around so that all could be reminded about just how disobedient and rebellious she still is…and besides, I don’t want her to kill her daddy with all the pain and embarrassment of her being with someone he didn’t approve of and never wanted to even meet…for you know I got the blame for when my dad died…and all because he said I did something that I didn’t…

In between all the tears that my adopted mother brought to my eyes and the pain in my heart of knowing that my adopted daughter would perhaps never ever trust me again to tell her anything about anything, for I had been working with the devil to help her take everything that ever meant anything to her…I told my adopted mom that I still believe that some where down your family line, it will come back and show itself with another destructive patterning, for you know the contents of the Golden Rule, “do unto others, that which you would have done unto you,” and what the hell are you thinking!

I told her again, that the God I serve and who is My Master, my real Father, would never allow this to go down, and if for some unknown He misses this, simply due to too many other assault weapon batons of stupid passed on down to other children of His, life’s, and having to attend to them all and He somehow misses my adopted grand daughter and my prayers for assistance, and all the things that I write about what I know and see and heard in the time of walking on the outside of your family, a talking to only you and my adopted daughter, falls on deaf ears or isn’t admissible, even though I have been an Ordained Spiritualist Minister since 1994.

What I will do once the tears stop and I can see to drive, I will get my forever happy not, self home and I will give everything away that anyone gave me in this racist and bigoted justice perhaps never served up, land without love definite place.

I will load up a few personal things, my animals; I will shake the dust off my shoes, and never look back to this time and land that thought they had it over God and the slaughter of their own simply due to the guilt that a for years dying mother, placed on her children in order to prove that they were in essence a willing to give their lives to her by doing things that would surely insure that their eternal life with Our Father would now be on the line, yet unlike all others it seems that surround me in this land of too many years of waiting for God/Jesus and Holy Spirit to lead me away to a land where mean things aren’t done to people in the name of righteousness.


I told her that I just hope that it doesn’t kill me to watch the slaughter a going down…for right now, when I see that which she is planning, I am now wondering if all that my own mom saw in my adopted mother wasn’t after all true…And then my adopted mom stated, “now child I told you that your mother is jealous of me and doesn’t like me and never did.”

End of Part 1

Rev. Tonie C. Wallace Dream-Founder and Director